By: Marialys Muñoz, MCSW
Clinical Social Worker
Respect and Dignity Program
In Puerto Rican society, as in other parts of the world, there is an evil that has been normalized and has gone unnoticed: tolerance for violence. Violence has become an essential part of our day to day, an example of this is the amount of news about violent acts that we hear and read daily. For this reason, it is my desire to make readers aware of the high degree of tolerance of violence in couple relationships. Tolerance that should not have a place in our society due to the adverse effects that this implies. In my experience as a Clinical Social Worker, something I continually hear is: "Yes but no", justifying acts of violence within couple relationships.
Violence is a phenomenon that can take multiple forms and generate consequences that are difficult to detect with the naked eye. There is still the myth that only physical violence is the one that causes the damage. However, the most dangerous modality is the one that is directed to the mental and emotional area of the individual. Although it is usually subtle, it leaves permanent scars that are more difficult to heal than a blow. The World Health Organization (WHO) in 2018 reported that worldwide one in three women (30%) has suffered physical and/or sexual violence by her partner. In turn, it revealed that gender inequality and the normative acceptability of violence against women are the deepest causes of this problem. Likewise, because they are also often victims. It should be noted that men in this situation also face the stigma of society rooted in machismo.
Dating is considered one of the important stages in predicting long-term violence in a relationship. In this way, risk factors that may exceed the limits in the early stages of the relationship can be identified. How can we identify this risk? Considering factors such as jealousy, inequality, sexism towards women or men, the way of communicating, "mansplaining", among others, dating violence can be identified. In my experience I have noticed on multiple occasions how there is a state of ambivalence, where a simultaneous conflict of feelings is palpably seen. Expressing an open rejection of violence, but, in the same way, justifications are manifested in which it is accepted and tolerated.
Could this rejection be the product of social desirability? Why does this happen? First of all, it is important to define the concept of social desirability. This is known as the tendency to respond in a certain way, to see oneself as culturally good. For example, saying “No”, because it is the socially accepted answer. So how candid is this answer? Does it mean that internally violence is accepted and tolerated? To what extent is it accepted? This normalization is the result of unequal power relations between couples that are built and naturalized through sociocultural processes. That is to say, reasons such as upbringing, machismo, environment, lack of self-esteem, mental health problems; in short, multiple beliefs that perpetuate and justify acts of violence.
Gender subordination still exists and furthermore, there is a high tolerance towards it. In society, extreme physical violence is condemned, but subordination behaviors in couple relationships continue to be accepted until they are idealized. This arises from our homes, our upbringing and environment; as well as the lack of emotional intelligence, the lack of self-esteem, insecurities and many other factors.
In response to these problems, spaces for help arise, such as the Respect and Dignity Program, which offers services to victims of violence within the approaches of domestic violence, intrafamily violence, abuse and neglect of older adults and minors, as well as survivors. of homicide. Through our services we want each victim to recover their dignity and internalize that they are a being that deserves respect. I recognize that it is hard work, but it is our commitment to the welfare of the victims and to achieve a better society. In other words, it is up to us to contribute so as not to allow tolerance of violence to continue, much less its normalization.
For more information contact:
Respect and Dignity Program
(787)842-000 Ext. 1331 / 1332 o (939)-732-2771
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